Difficult Admission

Some people seem to do it with ease and others struggle. To admit that we have a problem and to ask for help simply acknowledges that we are human.

I was shovelling my driveway the other day after the first significant snow of the season. Until I stepped out into it, I was unaware of how much time and effort it would take. It was just hard enough to cut into manageable blocks and soft enough to require another pass. There were drifts to deal with and I coached myself quite well as I patiently tossed shovelful after shovelful to one side or the other.

The real challenge was the bank left at the mouth of the driveway which had been compounded by repeated passes of our island ploughmen and their monster machines. The closer I got to it the larger it loomed.

I saw a loader coming up the island to my right. Because I am too typical a man, I deliberately looked away, not wanting to elicit pity or sympathy. This was a deliberate lie. That was exactly what I wanted. Inside, I was hoping that this operator would see past my ruse and break that bank to smithereens.

That is exactly what happened.

An old High School friend, who knew exactly how many birthdays I had stacked up, smashed through the snow barrier in Tim-the-Tool-Man style. Another swipe and it was over. He was on his way. This morning I saw him and thanked him from the bottom of my heart.

Because we were friends, he owned my problem and gave himself to help. He knew that although I was not asking for help, I wanted it.

I understand how difficult it is to admit weakness (or age) and to ask someone for help. I have had others ask me for help in different ways and never once thought less of a person for their request. Many times there was great pleasure in assisting another person.

Al-anon, for friends and relatives of alcoholics, rebooted after several years hiatus, in the summer of 2016. We all know that for every alcoholic or addict on the island a family suffers around their issue. My Dad was a binge drinker and this impacted and continues to impact my life in many negative ways. I love him … he has been gone for nearly 16 years and I don’t blame him for anything that I have faced in life. Truthfully, I am proud to be his son and there are many wonderful aspects of his personality and character that I have inherited.

As a pastor in Moncton, I found myself in an Al-anon meeting researching the 12 steps in order to preach through them. People shared. I realized that I was in a place as an observer that I needed to be in as a participant. I am an adult child of an alcoholic. In many ways, this meeting did more for me than any church service that I had ever conducted or attended.

I attend Al-anon today on Tuesday evenings, 7:00pm at Community Life Church. There are principles and perspectives that are extremely valuable to gain insight to live a full and productive life. These are valuable to anyone. Most of us have a friend or family member who struggles with addiction. We may have learned to cope in a crippled kind of way, adopting a mechanism which allows us to survive but one which also keeps us from becoming all that we might. I wish I could communicate this in a way that would motivate you to ditch your pride and admit that you need help. Al-anon is not about the addict or the alcoholic. It is about you. And like me, whether you can admit it easily or not, you need help.

Let me invite you to come out for a meeting. Bring a friend.